Reflections

I was driving along the lakeshore talking with my friend on the phone the other afternoon. I was actually doing more listening than talking (getting over laryngitis) when she said something that touched a spot deep in my heart that hadn't been touched in a while.

She complained about going home to her mom's house for Easter and how she really wasn't looking forward to seeing her grandma either because she always butts into her personal life and blah, blah blah. Even with my weak voice, I stopped her and reminded her that I haven't had a grandma to butt into my life in 11 years. Heck, when I did have a living grandma my personal life consisted of what me and my best friend had talked about at our latest sleepover or which one of my brothers' friends I had a crush on now.

I'd give anything to have a grandma to call up and talk to. I'd give anything not to be crying right now because I miss my mom's mom so much and am so scared because I'm even starting to forget what her voice sounded like. I fear the day I start to forget what my grandpa's voice sounded like too. But now that I think about it, I remember their laughter more than any words they said to me. I guess that says a lot about who they were.

My dad's dad died long before I was ever born, and his mom died when I was eight months old. My mom's mom passed away March of 1997 and her dad just last February. I still feel guilty about not calling or writing him often enough. All we really talked about was sports (MN sports to be exact), the weather and some little family things. I have all the letters and cards he sent me after I moved away from home (after college) in a box and look at them occassionally.

Some days I sit and wonder what grandma Evelyn would think of me (she knew me only as a baby). I wonder how much like her and Englebert I am. I resemble her a bit (I know for sure because I see the faces of my dad's sisters in mine on occassion). I know Harold, who just passed away a year ago was proud of me. He'd chuckle when we spoke on the phone and listen to my updates on the sports teams that I cover for my local newspaper. He was blunt, to the point, and had the driest sense of humor that I know of.

This Easter I plan on spending time with my friend Faye and her family, including her two nephews and her son. I can't wait to teach them how to draw a rabbit (Easter Bunny) like my grandma showed me at her kitched table. We made books, just simple little things, with paper, a single hole punch and yarn. I spent summer days on end eating jello with cool whip, listening to the M*A*S*H theme song come from the TV and dressing up in oversized hats and clipon earings.

Now I help make a newspaper, just a simple little thing, with InDesign, a black and white printer and red ink. I spend my summer nights taking jello shots, listening to a live band and dressing up in oversized sunglasses and pretty dangly earings. At the same time I hear Marie's voice tell me to put on a sweater and complain about the volume of the music. Happy Easter.